Organising & Planning the Funeral
The nature and content of the funeral itself is the heart of the public farewell and tribute, and where most of the focus will fall. However, the important and really memorable parts of the goodbye’s will often have taken place in private beforehand, afterwards at the ‘gathering’ or at the ashes scattering – which is why we recommend that due attention be given to these often ignored elements..
Having said that, the importance of arrangements for the funeral itself are such that a full discussion with the main family members present is strongly recommended.
If the family are not religious, we can recommend an appropriate and experienced celebrant who will work with you to create and conduct the kind of ceremony you want, using your words, and incorporating your beliefs. You may know someone already who you would like to conduct the ceremony/service.
Either way, you can contribute your own chosen poems, readings, and tributes.
The ceremony can take place at your church or place of worship, the crematorium chapel, a village hall or in some other place of your choosing.
There are a surprising number of decisions to make around organising the funeral. While many people find that making the funeral arrangements helps them to focus on something practical and to do something important for the person who has died, we are keen to simplify things, and help you think through what you might want.
You may also want to do some of the planning beforehand, and we would be happy to do this with you.
The funeral doesn’t always have to happen urgently. (This may depend on your religious beliefs). Generally you can take time to think about what you really want. You can choose whether it takes place within a few days or two weeks (minimum of five working days for a cremation). This timing may be important when family members need to travel from abroad or if there is a post-mortem. Usually funerals are held between 10am and 3.30pm Monday to Friday. Friday is always the most popular day for funerals – also the busiest.
There is a wide variety of coffins to choose from to reflect the personality of the person who has died – as well as your budget. We do not believe that choosing an expensive coffin is in any way necessary to show respect to the person who has died. We specialise in natural ‘Green” Eco-friendly coffins, but also offer a full range of basic and traditional styles.
You can choose a simple but dignified coffin with an oak veneer or one woven from willow, bamboo, sea grass, pandanus fibre, banana leaf, or water hyacinth; there are also cardboard coffins – plain or coloured or covered in a natural wool.
You don’t have to use a coffin at all – you might choose a simple shroud only.
You may want to decorate the coffin yourself with painting or flowers or you can ask us to arrange this for you. We have pictures of each to make it easier to choose the right one.
Some kind of urn or container for the ashes is also needed, and we have a good selection available from wooden caskets to ceramic urns to simple scatter tubes.
You may want to have a traditional hearse with – or without – limousines for the family. You can choose to have the coffin arrive in more unusual ways, such as a motorcycle hearse, VW camper van, long wheel based Land Rover or a horse and cart: or you can simply use your own big car or our estate car.
You may want to all meet at the crematorium, or have the cortege set off from the house: if so we can go a certain route, or past a special place on the way to the funeral.
For yourselves you may want to use your own cars – but we can provide limousines, people-carriers or a minibus/coach.
Flowers can be a beautiful part of the funeral. They can be simple or formal, and a single rose can be as beautiful as a large wreath. It can be special to use flowers from the person’s own garden or from a friend or family member. However, we have a particularly gifted florist who will work with you if you want. Guests may still like to bring a few flowers or greenery from their garden depending on the season.
One question is what you might want to happen to the flowers after the funeral, as only very small bunches can be cremated with the coffin. Hand tied sheaves can be donated to a local hospice or care home afterwards or given out to family members. All flowers may be left at the crematorium or on top of the grave.
It is quite usual to ask people to donate money to a chosen charity instead of buying flowers. We are happy to collect and co-ordinate these, both at the funeral and during the days that follow.
Generally the service begins with the arrival of the coffin. If you would like to carry the coffin yourselves we can show you how best to do this beforehand so that it goes smoothly.
However it is also perfectly possible to have a service without the coffin – as in a memorial service following a more private cremation. The ceremony can be arranged in any form that you wish, within the time allotted. However, there are a few tried and trusted guides that experience has shown to work well:
The Entrance: the Coffin is carried into the Chapel by formal bearers or family members, accompanied by a chosen piece of music appropriate to the persons memory or the family’s choice.
Welcome & Introduction: The Celebrant or Minister will open the proceedings with a few minutes of welcome, setting the scene and defining the celebration of the deceased’s life.
Tributes/Eulogy: The celebrant may either read a eulogy or perhaps invite family members to stand and share their own personal memories and tributes.
A period of reflection/prayer: Emotions and tensions will be at a peak following the tributes, so this is an ideal time to pause for a few minutes either in meditation, private prayer or reflection whilst listening to a piece of music that might be special to that person’s memory.
The Committal: The celebrant will make a short speech, committing the persons body to the earth for burial or for cremation. A poem can often be poignant at this time.
Closing words: A final farewell and the closing piece of music -sometimes it can be nice to choose a piece that is less sombre to help lift the guests spirits and to leave the funeral with a positive feeling.
Remember that this is not only your opportunity to mourn their passing but also to celebrate their life. Your chance to leave the ceremony with joy in the memory of their life, as well as the very real grief of your loss
More about the Venue
The ceremony can take place at a place of worship, in the crematorium chapel, at a local hall hotel or community centre, at home, in the open air, or at a special place like The Quantocks or along the Coastal Footpath,
If you are using a crematorium, they allow 30 minutes for the whole event: you can make the ceremony less rushed if you book a double time period – this is good value and costs only a little more than a single period. Or you could have a longer ceremony somewhere else before or after the cremation.
You will want to consider the music you would like for different parts of the funeral. You could choose favourite hymns or modern songs, classical or popular music. You can use live musicians or recorded music – original, bought CD’s please. Usually there is music to accompany the coffin coming in, and as the guests leave the chapel. Often there are two hymns – sometimes three in a church service – or a piece of music to listen to, which can be followed by a period of silence.
Prayers and poems
You can also think about special poems, readings and prayers you would like included in the funeral. These might be old favourites or you could write your own. Children particularly like writing poems or prayers and this is a lovely way to involve them.